The Nature of Leadership and Career

read time 6 minutes

The Nature of Leadership and Career, is a weekly newsletter where I provide 1 illustration and ~3 ideas to help you connect to your career, leadership, or work journey in a more natural way.

Today at a glance

• Illustration of the week

  - Effort : Surrender

• Launches

  -Watch-it!

  -Book-it in!

• The Nature of Career

  - Loving your work isn’t a license to work all the time

  - The neuroscience of letting go

  - 3 steps to know when to push and when to pull back

Illustration of the Week

Follow on Instagram and Linkedin.

Watch-It!

I have launched a new Instagram channel for bite-size video advice

and an Instagram for illustrations.

These are great bite-size versions that are complementary to the newsletter.

Book It-in!

February 28 will be our first session of the Women Wonder Book Club Interested? - sign up here.

Our first book will be Reimagine Inclusion by Mita Mallick.

This will occur once every 2 months and is part of the regular Career Soul Sessions group.

Loving your work isn’t a license to work all the time

This is the lesson I wish I learned a lot sooner in my career. 

When you love what you do, how do you know how hard to push and when to pull back?

First, ask WHY am I pushing so hard?

Here are common responses from women I coach, have led, and myself:

1. I am in a feeling of true flow, where I don’t even notice the time.

2. I believe I am contributing toward something bigger. 

3. I know this is my life’s work and mission. 

4. I feel energized by the work.

5. I am a people pleaser.

6. I want to prove something to others.

7. It helps me to feel worthy and like I belong.

8. I am tied to this role with golden-handcuffs.

9. I am holding onto a piece of criticism or feedback.

10. I am worried about your career prospects if you say no. 

11. It helps me deal with my self-doubt [through overachievement].

12. I love the exhilaration [the dopamine hit] I get from achieving something.

Deciding on when to keep pushing at work and when to pull back isn’t as easy as a BuzzFeed or magazine quiz:

I.e. if you tick the first 4 criteria keep working harder and if you tick 3 or more in 5-12 stop working so hard. 

You wish! As do I!

The reality is it is confusing as we feel multiple of these drivers and emotions all at once:

In all 3 examples, passion-based drivers often mask the fear or addiction-based drivers.

The truth you might like to ignore is that what energizes one area e.g. work, depletes us in others because we all need to recharge physiologically, socially, and emotionally. 

Great so how do I know when to push and when to pull back?

The answer is as simple and difficult as listening to yourself and rewiring your thinking. 

Watching this 4 minute video from Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman will help you to understand what is going on in your brain when you decide to let go and understand the next steps.

Step 1: Be aware of what you need and any limiting beliefs surrounding it 

Concerning how hard you are pushing at work - ask yourself “how much energy do I have today and how much do I want to pursue X goal?”

Reflect on this by yourself (and in silence).

Deep down your body and mind will tell you something like:

Hey I’m kind of tired and I need some rest

OR 

Actually, I've got more left in the tank, let’s go.

When the response is “Actually, I've got more left in the tank, let’s go” - multiple psychological and neural indications are giving you the answer to push. So listen.

Often the trickier to respond to “Hey I’m kind of tired and I need a break” as our limiting beliefs / inner critic creeps in:

•  “Shut up body, keep going!” *drinks coffee*

• “I need to be consistent / don't’ be lazy” (yes you do but within parameters that give yourself space and grace.)

• I can’t let my team down.

• What will my boss think of me?

Step 2: Be precise

So if you want to pull back you have to decide on what you want to let go of.

As Huberman explains the Letting Go process often depends on an automatic reflex underpinned by “neuroplasticity”.

Think of it like a coupled event:

[I think I need a break] - coupled with - the limiting belief response [Don’t be lazy] or [I can’t let my team down]. 

This causes the action i.e working more.

Cells that fire together wire together. So the more you repeat this thought and action pattern the stronger it gets.

To break the  link between first be very clear on what you want to let go of:

I.e. NOT = work less or stop overworking.

e.g . BE PRECISE: When I am tired from work and need rest, I want to stop thinking that I am lazy or that I am letting my team down. 

Step 3: Start running small experiments in letting go

Depending on the strength of your connection between overworking and limiting beliefs, it may be necessary to approach it gradually.

Rather than abruptly setting a strict schedule of finishing work at 5 pm every day and engaging in leisure activities, it might be more effective to start with a few days a week to build a sense of security and gradually challenge your irrational beliefs, such as feeling like you're letting your team down or being lazy.

This approach may seem obvious, but it's crucial to consider the neurological aspects of gradually weakening these connections.

Why? Because if you abruptly cut off overworking behaviors without feeling fully comfortable, you're more likely to revert to old thought patterns and actions when faced with challenges e.g. a comment from a team member about your perceived lack of effort.

As the connection weakens, you'll feel more confident in letting go of behaviors that feel safe and appropriate for you.

The outcome… does it work?

Many of the women whom I talk to and coach feel:

• A sense of freedom realizing they got the same outcomes as before by working less and their quality of life had increased. 

• Safety and comfort in running little thought and work experiments to let go.

• A little regret or resentment that they devoted so many hours to working harder was driven by fear or external validation. 

Nearly all of us go through this. It’s normal. 

This is rarely a one-and-done process. It is something we all need to repeat periodically as the balance of work and workplace shifts.

💡 Remember that the steps are tactical i.e. thinking through your irrational beliefs and creating habits to let go.  The key is to link your thinking and doing to how you are feeling every step of the way.

Remember that you are capable of so much more than you think!

Have questions on this edition? Feel free to contact me.

Whenever you’re ready here are 3 ways I can help

#1 Gain clarity and confidence in your career transition

#2 Join the free weekly Career Soul Sessions for women in tech and sustainability. A safe space to share your thoughts, and feelings on all things career.

#3 Follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram for more Career + Leadership tips to help you thrive.